The Day After...

You know how when you have a new baby and that baby sleeps through the night for the first time and you wake up in a complete panic thinking "Oh no! Something’s wrong with my baby!" That’s how I woke up this morning. Pierson slept in our bed last night. In that state of woken from dead sleep panic I looked at him snoozing away and in a moment of reflection realized – Oh no. There is something wrong with my baby… and we have to have surgery to fix it. So I cried. That was at 4am. I’ve been up ever since.

Today has been a rollercoaster. We both cried this morning, of course. As much as we would have loved to stay home and weep and mope all day, that wasn’t an option – life had to go on. We had jobs to get to and work to be done. I was so afraid I was going to walk in to one of my accounts and just burst in to tears. I managed not to do this, although I got close… especially when talking to mommies of kids P’s age. At one of my accounts the girl at the front desk went on and on and on about how her kid has a tummy bug and was up all night pooping. I felt like looking right at her and screaming "MY BABY HAS A HEART DEFECT, AND WE HAVE TO HAVE SURGERY OR HE WON’T LIVE AND I’M REALLY UPSET AND SCARED AND WORRIED AND WOULD KILL FOR HIM TO JUST HAVE THE RUNS SO GET OVER IT LADY!" – I refrained. I put on my empathetic face and nodded my head. Whew. That was a lot of work. A

When I got to my office I was greeted by hugs and tears. We’re all moms there, and most of my co-workers are also nurses so they could appreciate what I was going through on more than one level. What a joy, what an extreme blessing to work for a company that has surrounded our sweet little family in prayer and support. I don’t know many bosses that come up to you and say "Take off as much time as you need, focus on your son. We love you and are praying for you." I did cry at the office. One of my coworkers gave me a hug and said "You are such a strong woman." I replied back with "Well, I don’t know about that." Actually, I do know about that. I’m not strong at all. That’s a fact. Every song that played on KLTY today was about having God be your strength. The good news is that Jeff and I don’t have to be strong. We can be mooshy lumps and puddles of tears, those are emotions God made us with. God provides by being strong for us… so we don’t have to be. I feel like He helped me take every step I took today…. He is our strength. The Lord God is our strength. We’re messes, HE is strong. He has provided for us by carrying us. We know He will continue to do so.

I made a lot of phone calls today. We cancelled his swim and gymnastics classes. WinKids was precious enough to give us full refund for this quarter even though we’ve already attended classes. The lady on the phone started crying and then I joined in. It’s comforting to know I’m not crying alone.

One of the things we have struggled with is: How do we tell Pierson he’s having surgery and will be in the hospital for a while?

Thankfully the Children’s hospital we are having his surgery at has a department of Child Life Specialists (CLS) and has a CLS that specializes in Congenital Heart Defects. I got to speak with the CLS today for nearly an hour. She answered SO many questions for us. They have great ways to prepare P for surgery. There is a mock OR for him to explore where he can see the machines and operating table and have an opportunity to touch and feel and see this room. The CLS will then talk and walk him through in terms he can understand (sounds very play therapy based) about what surgery is and what tubes will be on him when he wakes up and how not to be afraid or touch them. I hate that we have to have a CLS but am SO thankful that we have this resource. Yet another way God has provided for us.

I also spoke with the surgeon’s office again. We were so in shock and disoriented by the time we got to his office yesterday we didn’t remember half of what they told us. They gave us a packet of information but I couldn’t bear to open it until this afternoon. It was just too real. But I did open it, and I talked to the surgeon’s office for a really long time. They answered all kinds of questions for me – and told us a lot of things they told us yesterday that we didn’t recall at all. I think sometimes your heart can be so burdened and your brain so overwhelmed that you become temporarily deaf. We experienced this phenomenon first hand yesterday.

I also called Dr. Laird’s office to ask a few questions. I was expecting to speak with a nurse, but I was told Dr. Laird made all phone calls to his patient’s parents himself. I was more than happy to wait for that phone call back. What an extremely nice and knowledgeable man! He gave us the ok for P to swim in the pool leading up to his surgery. P will love this.

We also just got a phone call from our pediatrician Dr. Adams. What a blessing to have your pediatrician say she will be praying for us and know that it’s truth. I thanked her profusely for being so thorough and taking the high blood pressure seriously. Truly, she has saved his life.

We have truly been blessed with a team of wonderful medical professionals. It calms this mommy’s heart to know P’s heart is in good hands -- Quite literally in someone else’s hands. That's scary to say. Truth be told, it’s really in the Lord’s though. Yes, that is truth. That's not so scary to say.

We have been so blessed with so many people’s kind words and prayers. It is incredibly humbling to know that people are interceding to our Amazing Father, Jehovah Rapha, for Pierson and for us. We truly feel every prayer lifted to the Lord. Please, we beg of you, keep them coming!!!! We still have a long road to go.

I think we’ve felt every emotion you could feel today. Sadness/crying, disbelief, grief, gratitude, joy, denial, overwhelming emotion, encouraged, empowered, powerless, alone, surrounded, provided for, happiness, LOVE… the list goes on.

Please keep those prayers coming! Someday when I Pierson is older maybe he can read this blog… read the comments and the sweet notes of people who are lifting him up to our Father. We are thankful for intercession. We are also so thankful for all of the encouraging words you all are saying. You have no idea how precious they are to us. We have truly felt your prayers – felt them. God is listening.

Our God is BIG. He is our strength and he holds our sweet little boy in His mighty hands. He hears each desperate plea. He mends our broken hearts.

Our family at an impromptu Rangers game earlier this month. He really did have a good time!

             Pierson's 3rd birthday. Just 5 days before his initial high blood pressure reading.